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Almost everyday i dont fail to wonder why i am here. Why do we exist in a three-dimentional space? Why is everything we will ever know floating around in a black ominous void of no consistent direction or orientation? Why do things of great mass clump together and automaticaly have a gravatational pull? Why is the universe experienced through a progressive sense of change and entropy over time? Why did rocks hit in just the right way over billions of years to end up forming a planet spiraling around a flaming ball of bright gas with just the right conditions for a million different hairey, gooey, and wonderful creatures to live for their self-given purposes?
It honestly is amazing we are here. a little rock tumbling through space made up of so much wonder that often goes unappricated, wether it be by the limitations of human intelect or its own comprehension. We havent found any signs of life yet, and perhaps life will never reach us. the stars in the sky are hundreds if not thousands of years out of date, and if we ever managed to stop fighting and brainwash ourselves to prosper coheisivley together, our efforts to reach the stars beyond our solar system may not even exist anymore.
And if our understandings of light speed stand correct in the future, anything that finds us may be upwards of 25,000 years late, and we may not even be worth their time. the universe feels very slow in is speeds of change. If the sun dissapared, we wouldn't know for 8 and a half minutes due to the speed of light. and if that is as fast as anything can go, the meassley 2 years it would take to leave the solar system would be nothing in comprasion to the presumably uninhabited and long unreachable wastes of space around us.
We dream of leaving earth because we have the built-in nature and lust for conquest and exploration. life lives to reproduce, spread as far as it can, and typicaly collapse under its own weight by way of disaster or the creeping entropy of divisive cultures due to our spread-out nature to diversify.
I dont think we will ever make it off our wet little rock, but its wholesome that we unpersistently dream of it. we have a long way to go before we can effectivly focus our efforts without domestic distractions, and perhaps we will never reach that stage due to our nature of self-destruction and crippling instincts.
We are still the offshoot of our hairy ape relatives, but we somehow came out on top and carved the world into what we could manage, tearing it in every direction at the same time and leaving it always sore, aggrivated, and divided.
It breaks my heart to guess that we will never really ammount to much, but the nature of humanity and its ingenuity welds my heart back together again. We kill ourselves in droves over trivial seeds of paranoia, apperance, and ways of life and their respective morals, but we have so far come back from our self-inflicted misseries with full books cancelled out by our expected ignorance. 'Repeat the mistakes of the past? don't be stupid, were doing things differently this time'. how many times was that thought of? how many life-changing inventions and discoveries were snuffed in their craddles because it shattered a lucrative status quo? Why cant we put ourselves in front of the misseries of the world we contribue and comply to and chisel our ways differently? because there's always got to be a punching bag. people always have to be picked on, lies always have to be doubled down on, and every single one of our individual egos has to think they are special, that they are different. well we are not different, but we are relativley special! nowhere in the observable universe has our profound technology detected life alike ourselves. are we very lucky? are we too early, too late? is something bigger out there that is inconsevably more advanced and mesmorising in its nature that we are not worth their time with our infighting rageful primal monkey brains? Maybe we are the smartest thing close to anything right now, we will never know even if we stopped splitting hairs down on earth our home..
Nobody is EVER on the same page, we are always ANGRY, always LUSTING for REVENGE AND SUPERIORITY! We always have to one-up eachother in our competetive nature, with it often resulting in progress and technilogical advancements when we arn't watering down our lemonades.. many will want love and peace and hundres more openly and underneath want nothing but satisfaction from their wretched bains of opposition. we all think alike but our process of action is always doused and subdued in the mesmorising tingle and intoxicating nature of thinking with our emotions. we arnt smart enough to cohesivly work on something in a remotley efficent way. theres so much mistrust in our blood that we keep thousands of nuculear-tipped missles pointed at our own population centres because we will think and distrust on a geopolitical level.
I can't say im any better. nobody should think that way either, its a dillusion to belive you are exempt of the human condition. If you are content you will grow bored, and if you are bored you will lust for contentness. everything in its nature is frustratingly paradoxical! anything you aspire for will bring you wanting for different circumstances eventualy.
We are human. we are hairless bipedal standing-up monkey offshoots that live on a grand green earth and have the ability to think and percive the wonder of reality and the world around us. we put ourselves in cages and superficial routines that chip away at our feelings of a 'free-life', we are all indoctrinated with the pointless cut-and-dry on-demand prime-time sludge that gives our lives meaning after we trade away the majority of our lives to the hours of working at jobs and waiting for that time of the month to come only to be left with 20% of the money you worked hard for to fly out of your exhausted grip.
We are in our own way and will aways be in our own way. but im glad time and time again we can momentarily live in blissful ignorance and share a primal bond of admiration and contentess with a signifcant other. having somebody to live for and someone to come home to everyday must eventualy feel replaceable, but for the time being you couldnt want it anyother way.
Everyone aspires to be exceptional, because we live from our own perception of reality. Everyone wants to break the system and be the centre of the world, but think of how many lives have queitly been wasted or snuffed out due to our own looming momentums of increasingly straining and unrealistic expectations and goals. most of us are aware of our own exceeding goals but still press ahead because they do not want to waste their lives or be forgotten. but only people from exceptional circumstances have broke free, only to land in a mire of responsibility and celebrity dizzyness. Most thinks we set out to do are never achived, and our exponential worries are ones of existential nature or things that were never likley to take root in our lives, and its not until its passed that we realised how straining we were to ourselves. Its like our nature of taking things for granted, and if aware, trying not to, only to live in denial after good times have subsided because nothing we could have ever done will not leave us regretful and pleading that we did more.
Everything is relativley pointless, regret and entropy are unavoidable, and everything eventualy will fall apart no matter how hard you try. I can't tell you that things will always be alright because things dont always end well, but the past 14 billion years have been in motion only for you to end up reading this stupid nonsenscial article, so keep going.
18/11/2024
-Theo
